Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
