That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
