if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
