this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
