just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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