last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
