At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
