You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
