My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
