So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
