the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
