I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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