In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
