About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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