Where is the hickey?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
