none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
