what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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