so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
