and you said cock pushups were impossible
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
