is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
