The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
