He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
