areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
