i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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