the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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