How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
