You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
