come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
