Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
