are you still at the devil's house?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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