forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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