I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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