I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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