Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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