I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You need Xanax blowdarts
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
