He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
