I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
