Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
