Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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