Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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