this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
