i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
