we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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