5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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