You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
