I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
