the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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