My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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