i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Your penis caused this!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
