did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
no more duck duck goose at the bar
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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