I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
