I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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