it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
