well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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