you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
