gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
