I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Is it because I queefed?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
