brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
