Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
