Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
