Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
