dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
