the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
