he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize