I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
