you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
