This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
