honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
