but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
