My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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