I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
